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It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" Moishe asked
"Yes or no," she replied.
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An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and brought to the local hospital. The nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Epstein, are you comfortable?"
Epstein replies, "I make a nice living...."
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Saul Cohen was taking an oral exam, applying for his citizenship papers. He was asked to spell "cultivate", and he spelled it correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and with a big smile, responded: "Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home".
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Is a pun really the lowest form of wit?
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.
- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
- The calendar's days are numbered.
- A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
- A plateau is a high form of flattery.
- Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
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